


An Island in a Furnace

by solnyshkonatalia



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Bottom Tony Stark, Bullying, Coming Out, Enemies to Lovers, Getting Together, Hate Sex, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt Tony Stark, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Protective Bucky Barnes, Secret Identity, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Top Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:34:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24185209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solnyshkonatalia/pseuds/solnyshkonatalia
Summary: Steve thinks of some of the headlines Tony has endured himself and feels guilty for being so selfish and treating Tony so poorly. Most people would be appalled and a bit scandalized to learn just how extensive Captain America’s list of past sexual partners is, but he’s a gentleman. He’s never treated any of those women with as little respect as he’s treated Tony Stark, and all for what purpose? To save face, when Tony himself has experienced far worse? As if Tony hasn’t faced enough bullying from the media since coming out? Steve has no justification for trying to act more virtuous than Tony when his own sexual history would carry its share of backlash if it became public. He has never felt like such a coward. ‘Spineless douchebag’, to quote Bucky. Even his best friend thinks he’s a loser.But he’s been so careful, and he can’t be a coward for not admitting something that’s not true. Tony was wrong—Steve Rogers is not a fucking fag.Title Credit: Kahlil Gibran//STRFKR
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 3
Kudos: 146





	An Island in a Furnace

“FRIDAY, crank it!” DUM-E, get that fucking claw out of my face and make yourself useful. Get me a wrench.” DUM-E beeps enthusiastically and turns, but his beeps are barely audible over the deafening sound of AC/DC’s “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” blasting over the speakers. He turns and drops a wrench painfully in Tony’s lap. Tony scowls pointedly. “You’re next on my list, buddy. Make peace with God. FRIDAY, did you see that?”

I’ve already pulled up a list of nearby scrap-yards on the primary monitor, Sir,” she deadpans. **  
**

“Atta girl, but I think he’s got a few more strikes left.” He chuckles and lies back to roll under the Audi. When he scratches his nose, he can smell the poignant stench of motor oil on his fingers and, now, on his face. He barely even notices the smell anymore. He runs his fingers tenderly along the underside of the car. “Oh, baby. That is one hell of a fender bender. I tell you what, FRI: Mr. Parker is never driving my car again. I should call the DA and have some points taken off his license to teach him a lesson.” **  
**

“That seems drastic, Sir.” **  
**

“FRIDAY, mute.” Tony panics momentarily when he hears Rhodey’s voice, because that means he can no longer keep avoiding the responsibilities he’s been so dutifully avoiding. He makes an abortive attempt to hide under the car, but Rhodey catches him by the ankle and pulls him back into the near-blinding light of the shop’s fluorescent overheads. His facial expression is distinctly unimpressed, so Tony springs to his feet and places a loud, wet kiss on his cheek. He pulls back, and there’s a little patch of grease where his lips and a begrudging smile on Rhodey’s face. **  
**

“Hey there, honeybear! You finally made time to come see me! What’s the occasion? You know, the jet’s all fueled up, and I have the night off. Let’s go to Rome and pick up some Italian girls.” **  
**

“I have to work, Tony, and I happen to know that you do, too.” 

“You’re no fun.” Tony pouts. “So what’d you come here for? Need a loan?” 

“Have I ever asked you for money in my life?” **  
**

“No, but never say never. What’s mine is yours, buddy.” **  
**

“That’s nice, but what I _need_ is for you to call Iron Man and remind him that he’s about to be late for another Avengers press conference. Then I need you to write your SI reports before you give Pepper a reason to take out a hit on you.” **  
**

“Always so sweet.” Tony leans back against his workbench, arms crossed protectively over his chest. **  
**

“I’m sorry, that was inappropriate." **  
**

“When have _I_ ever been appropriate?” Tony asks coolly. “Pass me that scotch over there, would ya? I’m starving.” **  
**

“No drinking. You have to work.” Rhodey sighs. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you and Iron Man were the same person.” **  
**

That makes Tony laugh, because it’s funny being the only one on Earth who’s in on the joke, but it’s also just a little bit sad. Like most things in his life, he thinks. Is the thought of Tony Stark as a superhero so ridiculous that even his best friend can’t see it? Of course it is. Tony is no Captain America. Iron Man saves lives, Tony Stark destroys them. He has enough blood on his hands to paint the whole world hot rod red. No one in their right mind would suspect that _he_ is Iron Man. **  
**

“Well, that would make you sound loony, sourpatch,” he teases, clearing his throat. “But if I recall, you’re also supposed to be at that press conference, so run along. I’ll get Iron Man on the horn, and he’ll be there before you can say ‘wet panties’.” Rhodey wrinkles his nose in distaste. **  
**

“Tones, are you okay?” he asks, so Tony plasters on a grin. Rhodey just stares at him skeptically. “You seem sad. What’s going on?” 

“Me? I’m livin’ la vida loca. I just need a drink before I die of dehydration." **  
**

“You need to _quit_ drinking,” Rhodey says, then he sighs his resignation. Most likely, he’s decided that he doesn’t have the time to deal with this right now. “Just get those reports done and eat something, okay?” **  
**

“Of course.” **  
**

“Bye, Tones.” Rhodey turns to leave, and Tony can’t resist wolf-whistling. **  
**

“Oh, honeybear,” he croons, “I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave.” **  
**

Rhodey snorts as he closes the door behind himself. **  
**

\- **  
**

True to his word, which is good about fifty percent of the time, Iron Man arrives on scene at the Avengers press conference just thirty seconds before cameras start rolling. He even beats Rhodey, who lands about ten seconds after Iron Man takes his spot beside Cap. Steve smiles broadly at him, and that only makes Tony’s smile grow. It’s nothing unusual, though; Steve always makes him smile. Correction: Steve always makes _Iron Man_ smile.

"Wouldn’t miss it. But that camera just started rolling…” Tony points toward a blinking red light without looking away from Steve. “So you’d better quit staring into my sparkling metal eyes before any rumors get started.” **  
**

Steve turns away with a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth and a red blush high on his cheeks. **  
**

“Let’s get started,” Steve says authoritatively, then points at a woman with an upraised hand. **  
**

“Maggie Anders, FOX News,” she says, and Tony, thank God, doesn’t have to suppress an eye roll like he does when FOX reporters come to SI press conferences. “I have to ask: you’re Captain America, a symbol of American values. Not to mention, you grew up when this country was more concerned with morals and tradition. How do you feel about the recent Supreme Court decision legalizing homosexual marriage? Do you feel that this threatens the sanctity of marriage?” **  
**

“Well, ma’am…” Steve seems caught off guard by the question, and he takes a beat. Tony thinks he hears an annoyed groan from Romanoff on his left. “I can’t say that I’ve really made up my mind on that issue. I’ve never been married, and I don’t know too many married people, so I’m not sure that my opinion means much.” **  
**

“Some of our viewers are concerned about the example you set by associating with Tony Stark, an openly gay man. Do you worry that your actions may encourage sexual deviancy in young people?”  
  
“Mr. Stark’s personal decisions do not reflect my values. I live in Stark Tower because my team is there, but that doesn’t mean I condone that lifestyle.” **  
**

“Are you saying that you don’t support Tony Stark’s gay lifestyle?” 

Tony is silent behind the mask, at a loss for words. Not that he expected Steve to go to bat for him—they’re not friends—but he certainly didn’t expect so much ignorance, especially considering… Well. One look around shows the same perplexed expression on every Avenger’s face. Tony can read the meaning of that look perfectly: they all knew that Steve was traditional, but no one thought that he was homophobic. Rhodey is the first to come back to his senses, cutting Steve off just as he’s started to speak again. **  
**

“I think you’ve said more than enough, Captain Rogers,” he says. “Here’s your statement, Miss Anders: Tony Stark is an incredibly generous man, and his support of the Avengers Initiative has been invaluable. And by the way, he’s not gay, he’s bisexual. Not that that matters to a soulless vulture like yourself. Regardless of Mr. Stark’s sexuality, we are all very lucky to have a friend in him. Now, if we could please stick to more on topic questions, I think we’d like to move on.” **  
**

-

After the press conference ends, Iron Man leaves as quickly as possible, though he thinks it may have been both therapeutic and entertaining to see Steve get called a ‘spineless douchebag’ by Bucky, which is what Rhodey texts him about five minutes after the cameras stop rolling. He gets back to the tower only ten minutes before Steve. He simultaneously wants to laugh and cry as he sees Steve punching in his access code and considers how abysmal his self-respect must be to keep letting this happen. But Steve is sweating and panting, and he must have run from the conference, and Tony is a weak man.

“Hey, Stark.” **  
**

“Hey, big guy,” Tony says with all the dignity he still has left. Without any permission from his brain, he finds himself planted only a foot in front of Steve. His hand grips the loose fabric of Steve’s uniform, which has already been unzipped. He tries not to let his brain turn completely to mush as he stares at Steve’s hair plastered to his forehead. He’s been growing it out, and, again, Tony is a weak man. Still, he manages not to lose his mind entirely. “You have a lot of nerve coming here after that fucking nightmare of a press conference. Were you hoping I didn’t see?” He crowds even more into Steve’s space, and Steve’s looks down at him blankly, as though he feels absolutely _nothing._ **  
**

“It’s really not a big deal, Stark,” Steve says dispassionately. “She caught me off guard. Besides, I don’t see how you expect anyone to defend you against being called a bad influence when you’re such a shameless _slut._ ” **  
**

Tony whines and buries his face in Steve’s chest, grinding against his leg and gripping his arms for support. He’s sure Steve has the most smug expression imaginable on his face. **  
**

“That’s -” Tony gasps and rolls his hips forward harder. “- not the point. She might as well have called me a fag, and you didn’t even _try_ to defend me. That’s fine, but you should know that if I’m a fag, you are, too.” **  
**

“Shut the fuck up and touch me,” Steve growls angrily and covers Tony’s mouth with his hand. Tony chokes on a moan and puts one hand down the front of Steve’s pants. “FRIDAY, lights off, please.” That almost makes Tony laugh. He’s had a lot of sexual partners who didn’t respect him, but never one that had more respect for his AI than for him. He tries to fight a frown, because he knows Steve will feel it against his hand, but he can’t help it. He knows Steve doesn’t like having sex with the lights on, but doing it in the dark makes Tony sad. He doesn’t want to fight with him—never does—but that’s their dynamic. Steve doesn’t like him, and he certainly doesn’t love him, but Tony is easy. There’s only one reason Steve comes to Tony when he needs relief, and it isn’t because they’re friends or lovers. **  
**

“Well, why didn’t you just ask, honey?” Tony teases, muffled by Steve’s hand. His voice only trembles a tiny bit. If he lets his mind go numb, he can pretend that Steve is his boyfriend—that Steve loves him. It’s not easy, though. Tiberius Stone was the only boyfriend he’s ever had who preferred to fuck in the dark. If Ty didn’t love him—and he didn’t—then there’s no way Captain America does. **  
**

He’s glad that Steve doesn’t know that he’s Iron Man. At least he can preserve the one pure part of their relationship. **  
**

- **  
**

In the shower after he fucks Tony over his workbench, Steve has to forcibly remind himself of all the reasons he can never be with Tony. It would be terrible for his public image, and… He finds himself sidetracked from his thoughts, because he can still smell Tony’s signature sandalwood-and-gasoline all over his body. And then, as soon as he smells it, he can’t get the face Tony made when he came out of his mind. The lights were off, goddammit! He shouldn’t have been able to see his O-face to begin with. **  
**

_Captain Cocksucker._ Steve can imagine the headline on some trashy tabloid’s cover as clearly as if it were already in front of him now. God _dammit._ He’s supposed to be a leader. Bullshit spewed by reporters during press conferences shouldn’t even phase him, but somehow, it’s even more upsetting than having Bucky call him a coward. _Adam and Eve, not Tony and Steve._ **  
**

Which is a ridiculous thought, because it’s not like Tony would be the guy he’d choose if he were gay, anyway. The point is, it could ruin his reputation and distract from the Avengers, and for what? He’s not even gay. It’s just that Tony is… Well, Tony is… **  
**

God. Steve’s mind is supplying about a million and one words to describe Tony, and none of them is making the best case for his heterosexuality _or_ his disdain for the self-proclaimed genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. He tries his best to stop that train of thought from going any further. **  
**

_Tony is arrogant, and loud, and absolutely insufferable,_ Steve reminds himself. _Tony is_ easy. **  
**

_America’s Whore._ Steve thinks of some of the headlines Tony has endured himself and feels guilty for being so selfish and treating Tony so poorly. Most people would be appalled and a bit scandalized to learn just how extensive Captain America’s list of past sexual partners is, but he’s a gentleman. He’s never treated any of those women with as little respect as he’s treated Tony Stark, and all for what purpose? To save face, when Tony himself has experienced far worse? As if Tony hasn’t faced enough bullying from the media since coming out? Steve has no justification for trying to act more virtuous than Tony when his own sexual history would carry its share of backlash if it became public. He has never felt like such a coward. _‘Spineless douchebag’_ , to quote Bucky. Even his best friend thinks he’s a loser. **  
**

But he’s been _so_ careful, and he can’t be a coward for not admitting something that’s not true. Tony was wrong—Steve Rogers is not a fucking fag. **  
**

_You fucked another man less than an hour ago,_ the logical side of his brain argues. He groans and runs his hands through his wet hair. He should probably get it cut again. It’s such a pain in the ass under the cowl, but Tony just loves it so much. **  
**

_Tony’s not just any man,_ the other side of his brain responds dreamily, and, may Steve add, unhelpfully. Oh, yeah, he is so fucked. **  
**

\- **  
**

_Their first time together is a little sweaty, a lot rushed, and, to Tony’s surprise and delight, entirely initiated by Steve. They’re the last ones in the locker room on the Tower’s common floor, both about to get in the shower to wash off the sweat and grime of a tough battle. Natasha is in medical because Cap wasn’t where he needed to be to cover her, and Tony can practically feel the frustration and anxiety radiating off of Steve._ **  
**

_“Cap,” he says, as gently as he can manage. “Whatever happened out there, I’m sure it’s okay. Really.”_ **  
**

_“How would you know?” Steve grumbles. “You weren’t there. You didn’t see it. What are you even doing here?”_ **  
**

_“I was just sparring with Happy. Are you okay?” Steve doesn’t turn around, so Tony puts a comforting hand on his shoulder. Steve whips around and shoves him up against the row of lockers, eyes ablaze._ **  
**

_“I know you think you’re helping, but you could_ never _understand. If you really want to help, you can suck my dick, Stark. Jesus Christ.” Clearly, it’s meant as a cruel jab, but, oh… Isn’t that an idea?_ **  
**

_“Okay,” Tony says, a devious look on his face. Steve stares at him for what feels like hours, then calls Tony’s bluff._ **  
**

_“Then get on your knees and choke on it, pretty boy.”_ **  
**

_...except, Tony Stark doesn’t bluff._ **  
**

\- **  
**

“Where is Iron Man? Steve asks over the comms, and Iron Man dives down and does an aerial twirl right in his line of sight. **  
**

“Right here, gorgeous,” he says as he takes out a Doombot with a repulsor blast. “Don’t worry. I’d never stand you up, I’d only lay you down.” He lands beside Steve and side-eyes his blushing cheeks. “Oh, would you look at that? Stark did put some red in that stealth suit. Beautiful.” **  
**

“Does anyone have eyes on Doom,” Steve asks, ignoring Iron Man’s comment. **  
**

_He’s worse than Stark,_ he thinks. _Jesus Christ._ Still, he can’t stop his cheeks from heating up even more. So maybe he has a thing for the armor, even if it isn’t a woman wearing it. That doesn’t make him gay. It’s not like he’s in love with Iron Man; he just thinks the armor is hot. **  
**

“Yep, I’ve got him webbed up over here,” Spider-Man responds, waving his arm high in the air about a hundred feet away. **  
**

“Nicely done, Spider-Man. **  
**

Tony forces himself to keep his eyes turned away, because he can hear a breathlessness in Steve’s voice that he knows is dangerous. If he looks at him now, all out of breath and sweaty with his hair poking out the sides of his cowl, he may never look away. God, he’s never been so whipped for someone so decidedly _not_ in love with him. **  
**

_Not whipped,_ he reminds himself. _It’s just sex._ **  
**

Sure it is. **  
**

“Alright, what do you say? One last team bonding session at the tower tonight before Thor goes back to Tatooine?” **  
**

“Asgard,” Steve corrects, but Tony can hear Peter laughing. **  
**

“And we’re watching Star Wars,” he says. **  
**

“I would be honored to partake in your revels, Iron Man!” Thor says in that booming voice. **  
**

\- **  
**

When Tony walks into his living room that evening, his teammates, save Peter, Rhodey, and Sam, are already gathered around. Thor and Steve are sharing a flask of Asgardian mead. Natasha and Bruce are drinking water—never do let their guard down—and the rest are passing around a bottle of red wine like a bunch of high schoolers. **  
**

“Hey, I know you were all raised in a broken down school bus or whatever, but I do have wine glasses in the kitchen,” Tony teases. **  
**

“Always a pleasure, Stark,” Clint deadpans, but he’s smiling, and he raises the bottle in toast. “Where’s Iron Man?” **  
**

“Sorry, the man in the can is off with his family somewhere. You’re stuck with his boss.” 

“Cool.” **  
**

“Brother Stark, you’ve been missed!” Thor exclaims, clapping Tony on the back. “What are you building in your workshop?” 

“I missed you too, buddy, but no shop talk.” Tony flops down on the couch between Thor and Steve and snatches the flask from Thor. “Only drinking.” **  
**

“Not for mortal men, Stark,” Clint teases. **  
**

“I’m not a mortal man, Barton; I’m an alcoholic.” Everyone but Steve laughs at that, and Tony thinks that Steve must constantly afraid that Tony will tell everyone they fucked if he’s this tense every time they get in the same room in public. Tony takes a long swig of the mead before he feels a hand on his wrist, pulling the flask away from his mouth.

“Slow down,” Steve says, irritation thick on his voice. Tony always did know just how to push his buttons. **  
**

“Jesus Christ, Steve, unclench. What are you, den mother?” Still, he puts the flask down on the coffee table. It turns out he’s Steve’s bitch both in and out of bed. **  
**

“You’re right, I’m not your babysitter. Feel free to not let anybody care about you for the rest of whatever time’s left in your sorry life before you drink yourself to death.” Steve gets up and practically storms out of the room. Tony sighs and buries his head in his hands. He should have just worn the suit. Iron Man saves parties from Tony Stark’s idiocy. **  
**

“Oh, good,” Clint practically shouts, “Mom and Dad are done fighting. Is it safe to turn my hearing aids back on?” **  
**

“Wait, am I Mom or Dad?” Tony jokes weakly. He doesn’t even know why Steve cares that he’s drinking, but it still makes him feel guilty, so he gets up and follows him to the kitchen. He crowds up against him, hands on the island on either side of Steve’s hips, and stands tall enough that they’re nose to nose. **  
**

“What the hell was that?” he asks. “Do you have to pick a fight _every_ time we see each other?”

“Do you have to be such a drunk?” **  
**

“Jesus fucking Christ. That’s none of your fucking business. It’s not like you care about me when I’m _sober._ ” **  
**

“Of course I don’t care about you. You don’t _let_ anybody care about you, and you’re never sober.”  
  
“You know what I think? _You’re_ the one that won’t let yourself care about me. You’re ashamed of me.”  
  
“I’m not ashamed of you, Tony,” Steve says softly, and Tony realizes just how much he’s slurring his words, and then he’s leaning in closer, almost like he’s about to kiss him. **  
**

“Okay, Steve, stop. Stop!” he jerks back, and he watches Steve’s face as the spell clearly breaks. “Jesus! What the hell is going on with you!” 

“Nothing! Am I not allowed to kiss you?”  
  
“That’s bullshit and you know it! You’ve never wanted to kiss me before. You’re drunk, Steve. Why do you always look so fucking embarrassed to be with me? And why are you trying to distract me right now?”  
  
“I’m not with you, Tony. We’re not together. I’m straight.” 

“Bull-fucking-shit, Rogers. You can hate fuck me all you want. I don’t care if you like me. I’ve fucked about a million people who didn’t like me -” He watches Steve flinch almost imperceptibly at that. “But I will _not_ be your self-discovery project. I’m a fucking adult, and I’m not interested in fucking around with a man who’s been alive a hundred years and is still ashamed to be into guys. What are you so afraid of, Captain?” **  
**

“I have nothing to be ashamed of. I’m not a faggot. Just because you’re the easiest person in New York doesn’t mean I’m in love with you,” Steve hisses, and Tony has never heard him sound so cruel. 

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a really mean person? Fuck you, Steve. You can continue to think you’re not gay, but even if you’re not, you’re still going to rot in hell.” **  
**

Tony turns on his heels and storms out of the room. **  
**

\- **  
**

After what Steve has heard Clint refer to as the ‘Civil War’, things are awkward around the Tower. For a full week, Tony only leaves his workshop once—to restock on booze. He looks like shit, and it’s clear that he’s not coping well. Steve, on the other hand, copes by throwing himself into Avengers business. He designs new drills for the team every day, and they run through the drills without Iron Man. _How petty that Stark would withhold Iron Man over this,_ he thinks, and swallows back the sadness behind his anger. **  
**

According to Rhodey, who heard it from Natasha, who isn’t talking to Tony _or_ Steve in an exceptionally characteristic display of avoidance, the fight wasn’t particularly audible from the living room. There were still bits and pieces overheard, though. Most notably, “such a drunk”, “faggot”, and “rot in hell”. **  
**

Thankfully, the only thing the out-of-context words everyone heard only seem to further the rest of the team’s belief that Steve is a raging homophobe. They’re angry at him over it, according to Rhodey, but at least no one suspects the truth. Tony hates a lot of things about Steve right now, but at the end of the day, he’s just a scared little boy. He has no desire to see Steve hurt or forced out of the closet. **  
**

No one who was there that night comes to see Tony, which is fine. They’re not _his_ teammates, so there’s an unspoken line there. If they side with Steve at the end of the day, that’s only natural, if a bit disappointing. Thor might have talked to him—might not have seen that line—but he left the morning after the fight while Tony was sleeping off a hangover of Asgardian proportions. **  
**

None of them really come to Steve, either, except for Bucky. That’s partly because he has some level of respect for his role as Steve’s best friend, but mostly because he has supersoldier hearing and heard the whole fight. The strange thing, Steve thinks, is that he doesn’t come for almost a week. When he does, he won’t make eye contact with Steve. He looks… Well, he looks disappointed, to put it simply. **  
**

“I’ve been tryin’ to think of what I could say to ya, Stevie,” he says, and his voice is resigned. **  
**

“What are you talking about?” **  
**

“About the things you said to Tony the other night. Ya know, we might not be that close, but he’s my friend.” **  
**

“I’m your best friend.” 

“You’re a fuckin’ child. Ya know, I remember a time when you said you hated bullies.” Steve has nothing to say to that. “My point is, you stick up for your friends, and Tony is my friend. I hated hearing you talk about him like that, and you’re not givin’ yourself much respect, either.”  
  
“I don’t know what you mean.” Steve turns away, averting his eyes back to his sketchbook. **  
**

“You like Tony,” Bucky says, matter-of-fact. “You’re not doin’ yourself any favors by lyin’ about your feelings.” **  
**

“I don’t like Tony. I’m not gay.” **  
**

“It’s not 1942 anymore, Stevie. That’s all I’m saying.” Bucky sighs and turns to leave, but Steve stops him. **  
**

“Wait,” he says quietly, and his voice wobbles a little bit, like he’s holding back tears. Sure enough, when Bucky turns around, he sees that Steve’s eyes are wet and staring right at him. “Please don’t leave, Buck.” **  
**

Bucky sits back down on the bed, and Steve looks down before speaking again in a whisper. **  
**

“I’m scared,” he admits, bottom lip trembling. A tear runs down his cheek, and Bucky feels his heart break. Maybe he was too harsh. He has no idea how it feels to be so terrified of your own sexuality. **  
**

“What are you so scared of?” 

“I’m scared of what people will say, and what the team will think, and Tony rejecting me. I know I’m not supposed to be scared. **  
**

“It’s okay, Stevie.” Bucky pulls Steve into his arms and cradles his head against his chest. “It’s okay to be scared. But I know for a fact that the team will be okay with it whenever you’re ready to tell them, and I promise Tony isn’t gonna reject ya as long as ya stop calling him names and give him some time.” **  
**

\- **  
**

“I’m gay.” **  
**

It’s been a couple of weeks since their fight, and Steve is finally confronting Tony on his own turf. Tony looks at him impassively, then looks back at his work. The soldering iron shakes with his hand, and Steve can see how anxious he is behind his cool exterior. **  
**

“I know,” he says aggressively. “That’s not an apology, Rogers.” 

“I’m sorry, Tony. Really. I shouldn’t have said any of that stuff to you. I’m sorry I was so scared to admit that I’m not straight. I’m not ready to be with you yet, but someday I might be, and I’m sorry I was so cruel.” **  
**

Tony laughs humorlessly and sets down the soldering iron. He lifts the mask off of his face and looks at Steve again. **  
**

“Steve, you are just about as dumb as I expected from someone who spent seventy years frozen. Did your brain not thaw out properly?” he spits. Steve sputters, and Tony continues. “That’s not how this works. Just because you figured your shit out, or whatever this is, doesn’t mean that I want to be with you. I have _never,_ in fifty years on Earth, fucked someone with so little respect for me. Give me one good reason that I would ever want to be in a relationship with you.” **  
**

“Because I’ve changed.” It’s all Steve can manage, and Tony stares at him incredulously before rolling his eyes and flipping the mask back over his eyes. **  
**

“Look, you don’t have to apologize for being scared. I’m a pretty shameless person, and even I was scared to come out, but I never treated anyone so badly. Don’t expect me to believe that you’ve changed when you think that the only problem was that you weren’t willing to admit that you’re gay.” **  
**

“Tony -” **  
**

“Please get the fuck out of my workshop. I’m busy.” **  
**

\- **  
**

“You should apologize” are the first words Natasha has said to him in two weeks, when Tony still hasn’t come up from his workshop and Iron Man still hasn’t been coming to drills. **  
**

“I did apologize.” Steve swings at her again, and practically screams in frustration at how easily she dodges him. He clearly is _not_ on his best game. “He doesn’t want to hear it, so I’m leaving him alone, like he wants.” Her left jab lands directly on his bottom ribs and knocks the wind out of him, so he gives up and tears the gloves off of his hands. “And, by the way, it’s incredibly petty that he’s withholding Iron Man from drills just because we fought.” **  
**

“It’s petty that you’re going to give up just to spite him for telling you to fuck off.” **  
**

“Well, what else am I supposed to do, Nat? I called him a faggot. He deserves to be angry.” She narrows her eyes, and he turns around to grab his gym bag, because he knows she can read his eyes. **  
**

“That’s not all there is to it, though. What aren’t you telling me?” Goddammit. He can’t live with all these spies around him. They can tell when he’s lying _so_ easily. It’s embarrassing that he even tries at this point. It’s a wonder that she doesn’t already know the truth, so he lowers his voice and tells her, straight up. **  
**

“I’m gay, okay?” he hisses under his breath. “Tony and I have been messing around for a few months now, and I was really mean to him because I didn’t want to admit it.” **  
**

“You...were fucking Stark for months… and you didn’t want to admit that you might be gay?” **  
**

“I know.” He sighs. He already knows how it sounds. **  
**

“That might be the dumbest thing you’ve ever said, Rogers,” she says. “Are you kidding me?” **  
**

“You know I’m not. What do I do?’ **  
**

“Okay, here’s the plan.” **  
**

\- **  
**

“What do you want, Steve?” 

He finds Tony on the roof, sitting on the edge with a bottle of whiskey in his hand. At first, he’s terrified, and rightfully so. Tony really looks as though he’s about to jump. He quickly realizes that’s not the case, but he’s going to fall anyway if he doesn’t move back soon, so Steve grabs him by the shoulders and hauls him back a good few feet. **  
**

“I want to talk. I wish you weren’t drunk for it, but I guess that’s just a given.” Okay, so maybe he comes in a bit hot, but seeing Tony drink himself to death will never get any easier to swallow. **  
**

“You’re not making me feel especially chatty,” Tony slurs. Steve sighs and sits next to him. **  
**

“You’re right; I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to fight.” Steve takes the bottle from Tony’s hand, and Tony looks defensive until Steve takes a long swig and hands it back. “It just makes me sad to see you treat yourself so badly.” 

“Well, I learned from the best,” he says, gesturing at Steve with the bottle. “What do you even care?” **  
**

“I care because I’m in love with you, Tony.” Tony quirks his eyebrow, as if Steve is a puzzle he’s trying to solve, and then he takes another long drink. It makes him wince at the same time that Steve does. **  
**

“How can you be in love with me?” he asks. “You don’t even know me.” **  
**

“Maybe not.” Then they’re silent. It’s Tony who breaks the silence, and Steve wonders how he can be so cognizant while drinking so much. **  
**

“I forgive you,” he says, and Steve fully relaxes. “I guess I haven’t had many people fall in love with this mess.” He gestures to himself, and Steve frowns. **  
**

“What’s not to love?” Steve starts to lean in, and he thinks Tony is, too, but they’re interrupted by the door to the roof being thrown open. **  
**

“Sorry to break up the lovefest,” Sam says, and Steve is relieved by how unsurprised he seems to be at finding Steve on the verge of kissing another man. “Steve, time to suit up. Let’s go.” **  
**

\- **  
**

**Epilogue** **  
**

After the battle, Tony is taking the suit off in his workshop and thinking about his almost-kiss with Steve earlier. He still wishes Sam hadn’t interrupted, but he’ll get another chance. **  
**

“Okay, FRI,” he groans when one of the gauntlets won’t come off, “What gives? I designed this to come _off._ ” **  
**

“Sorry, boss.” Finally, the gauntlet disassembles, and Tony turns to find a part-surprised, part-angry Steve Rogers leaning against the doorframe. **  
**

“This isn’t what it looks like,” Tony tries, but Steve shakes his head with a frown on his face. “You can’t tell anyone.” 

“You have five seconds to explain why you didn't tell anyone you were Iron Man and just flew the suit drunk."

"I'm always drunk, if that makes you feel better."

"It doesn't," Steve says flatly. "Tony, I love you, and I want this to be something, but I'm not going to be with you unless you stop drinking."

"Are you giving me an ultimatum? It's not that easy, Steve."

"It's not supposed to be an ultimatum! I know it's not easy, but I'm not going to let myself get attached to you only to see you die in a few years because you refuse to take care of yourself! Either you quit drinking, or we leave whatever this is right here. Whatever you choose is fine with me." Tony looks at him analytically, then smiles that smug little smile.

"No, it isn't. You clearly have a preference."

"Of course I do! I already told you I love you!"

"I love you, too," Tony says. "Okay. I'll try."

"Good. Now get over here and kiss me."


End file.
